Square Peg Foundation

Many of you know that I’ve been working on a fiction project for the last few years.

This last week, friends and family made it possible for me to sneak away to a secluded beach in Mexico to work on my project.  The timing couldn’t have been worse – I had so many things going on at Square Peg and the last thing I wanted to do was to leave my students and horses not to mention my sweetie on a self serving trip – but I did.

Our group was treated like royalty by the staff at Villa Violeta with amazing hospitality, first class meals and handmade margaritas….. Each morning, I’d get up early, grab a cup of coffee and hide in a spot overlooking the Sea of Cortez.  I was visited by lizards and birds and even a squirrel on the sunny deck where I worked.  The frigate birds soared overhead and the fishermen waved from their boats as they passed by.  It was as idyllic a place as I can ever imagine.  I was so far removed from my regular life.

But I was there to work. I issued my challenge to our supporters to help me get this project wrapped up and I’m proud to say that I’m ahead of schedule.

I promised a preview of the work and I’m here to deliver.

Below is a short chapter from Gallop Girl All Rights Reserved by the author, Joell Dunlap May 2012.

Enrique closed the lid on the medicated mud, wiped his hands on the towel hanging from his back pocket and used the wall to steady himself as he stood up in the stall.  Mercy Street’s legs were slathered in cooling mud and wrapped in clean cotton pillows.  He’d have to come back in and paint the  bandages with a sauce of habanero and cayenne pepper to keep her from chewing them off overnight.  He patted the petite mare and she danced sideways, snorting and blowing.  She wasn’t the friendly type.  He laughed quietly and scratched her withers. She submitted to his touch and even leaned into him so that he could dig into her perpetually itchy shoulders. Both satisfied, he ducked outside the stall door and made his way to the equipment room to fetch the pepper paste.  His eye was drawn to the empty stall where the dead filly Chayah Khofesh should have been.  The stall was clean and bedded, the straw fluffed and the hay net full.  Enrique pictured her powerful frame and curious face as it was this morning before her workout.  She’d had some promise and she was easy to be around.  She had a habit of peeking around her hay net, curious to see what was happening in the stall next to her.  He’d liked her for that curiosity and he missed her now.

In an industry where sentimentality is a luxury, Enrique was a wealthy man who spent lavishly.  He knew the quirks of each horse and he indulged them whenever possible. Each animal was a treasure of personality.  Some made him laugh, some made him wonder.  All of them made him a man satisfied with his work.  He knew that horses would come and go, some naturally, some tragically and  he cherished the time he had with each one.  When it came to people however, Enrique was thrifty with his emotions. He was an island of a man who preferred his own quiet company.

He fished a peppermint out of his pocket, fed one to the barn goat and one for Vaya Con Dios who quietly lifted the candy from Enrique’s callused palm and crunched it between giant molars.  “Che old man.”  He rubbed the silky nose and headed back to work.

Things would change at the barn and things would stay the same.  He had a good crew, with a couple of exceptions.  Most of the guys showed up on time and did their jobs well.  A couple of the hot walkers were on notice for laziness.  Only one groom worried him, his head groom had travelled home to Mexico for a holiday and had sent his cousin to cover his job in his absence. Enrique had an instant dislike the the cousin.  Something about his way with the horses unsettled Enrique.  The man had skills and wasn’t afraid to work, but he had a shiftiness in him that made both Enrique and the horse wary.  He’d keep an eye on him and ask around for some good guys needing work.

He’d worried about the Boss talking to Roxy Ayers about galloping.  Enrique remembered a time when all of them were much younger and romance was on the menu for Jude and Roxy.  But now he was a big shot trainer and Roxy had aged in a hard edged sort of way.  The notion of them being together now was laughable. Both were acting professionally and Enrique hoped that things would work smoothly.  The barn was poised for a good year with some decent running stock and some up and coming hopefuls and if, just if they could keep The Big Horse, Leo III from destroying himself or some unfortunate human, great things could happen. Enrique had his doubts that Leo III would do well without Ann.  He had worked around female riders for most of his career and he knew that some of them were good, most of them were out to prove something and none of them had the talent that Ann possessed.

Normally,Enrique felt that women  interrupted the flow of a barn.  Most women created chaos somewhere or drama.  They needed too much attention, or demanded respect they weren’t willing to earn. Most women you wanted too much to protect.  Enrique had to admit that he did have protective feelings about Ann but he never let on.  He knew it would just confuse Ann and they had their jobs to do. Enrique thought about visiting Ann in the hospital, but he had no idea what he would say and he didn’t like the idea of seeing her laying in any bed.  He liked thinking of her as strong and capable and laughing in her special way.  Yes, he did feel protective of her. If only he would have waited until later to get the filly to the track – she wouldn’t have been at the wrong place at the wrong time.  If only he would have put that little cholo rider on her back, then Ann wouldn’t be laying broken in a hospital right now.  None of it mattered of course and nothing would change the way things were.

Enrique passed by Leo III’s stall and noticed that he’d emptied his water bucket completely.  Whether he’d drunk it all or whether he’d kicked it out of the bucket was anyone’s guess.  But no racehorse, especially one as talented as Leo III ever went without fresh water and so he slipped inside the stall, fended off the vicious teeth of the chestnut monster and ducked out quickly with the empty water bucket in hand.  He washed the bucket clean of any straw or dirt and filled it being careful not to let the hose end droop into the water.  Doctor Connor had been adamant that not only did the horses never share a water bucket again, but that immersing the hose into a water bucket was a sure source of disease spread.  He’d primed all of the grooms on the practice and he’d had to keep a close eye on one of the lazier grooms lest the barn be beset with another raging respiratory infection. He fished another peppermint from his pocket and let Leo III see it.  His sharp ears heard the cellophane noise and perked forward.  Enrique was not fooled, he tossed the peppermint expertly into the horse’s grain bucket to distract the animal while he re-affixed the filled water bucket to the wall.  Leo III dove for the peppermint and savagely rooted around in his grain bucket to find it.  He attacked the grain with and open mouth and crunched hard, feed dripping from his lips.  Enrique chuckled appreciatively. Aggression in a racing colt the size and breeding of Leo III was not the horse’s fault.  It was the product of hundreds of years of racing breeding and a wholly unnatural environment.  In the wild, Leo III’s rogue behavior would be so over the top that the herd would banish him to perpetual bachelorhood. Instead, if he continued to race as well as he had, he would retire to the breeding shed of a beautiful farm where his every whim was attended to and mares would come in from the world over.  But if they couldn’t get his feet to harden up, Leo III would be just another failed and unrideable ex racehorse with a lovely pedigree and nowhere to go.  Enrique looked at the pale saucer shaped feet and sighed.  Supplements, special glue on shoes, training only on the dirt track and racing only on choice grass courses or wet and cold muddy tracks, acupuncture – it seemed they had tried everything and now he would have to manage this beast without Ann.

It’s a foggy Sunday morning when I turn into 11631 San Mateo Road,  at the bottom of Hwy. 92, and slow down to quickly punch in the gate code, then wait for the cast iron black gate to swing open. At 10:30 in the morning, my paradise begins when that gate opens. Nestled in Canyon Creek EquestrianCenter, upon a small hill, is where my heart and passion live, and where I’m my happiest. As I drive in, I see  familiar horses in turn out, and of course, Lola the barn dog comes to greet me, tail and body wiggling, along with her sloppy grin and big brown eyes staring me straight in the face. I rush up the hill, as I am already a few minutes late. My trainer is there tacking up Django, our naughtiest but cutest pony, for the morning lesson, which she asks me to assist her with. On Sunday mornings, a young woman comes to the barn to ride. she has severe medical conditions and is about the size of asmall child, which means Joell needs to ride with her. I needed to lead Django as sometimes he can be a handful and tends to get a little antsy. As we were walking around, I tended to daydream and think about my life, and I got to thinking about the past few weeks. Schools been insanely tough and I’ve been dealing with an exorbitant amount of stress lately, but then I just thought about how lucky I am. I hav ethe best friends in the world, a wonderful support system, and I have already found the thing that makes me undeniably happy: being at the barn.

Some people wait their entire lives to find their passion and still never find it, while me, being a 16 year old teenager, can drive 15mins and have all of this in front of me. Even in the worst mood, just seeing my awkward but totally lovable boy can make me crack a smile because, c’mon, it’s Fran. Our barn family always makes me laugh too because we’re just spontaneously crazy sometimes, which takes me away from my usually very scheduled and organized life. But most of all, teaching and helping the kids always gets to me, because about 8 years ago, that was me, and I realize how much everything has changed and how much I’ve matured and learned. NowI’m the one that rides five horses a day, gallops up hills bareback, ponys horses, and is jumping courses.I’m the one that’s there four and five days a week over summer, helping with everything all the time.

I just realize that even though pretty much everything is changing, and my life is completely different, and that sometimes it’s insanely tough, I really love it, because it’s wonderful. Django stops, and I realizethat the ride is over. The young woman gets off and I help her feed Django about a whole small bag of carrots which makes me laugh. We walk up the hill, giggling about what a moocher Django is, and get ready tomake a plan for the day.

I really am lucky.

I want you to take a look at: Square Peg Foundation – Where Everyone Fits – You Should Write a Book! | Grassroots Fundraiser 

Vladamir Nobokov’s Humbert Humbert was a murderous, narcissistic pedophile. Christopher James Hooker is a schmuck.  Humbert Humbert is a fictional character and Hooker is real. Unfortunately, there are more similarities between the two than differences.  Both preyed on the soft flesh of  children to feed their insecurities and their twisted passions. It could be argued they shared a need for control and dominance.  Each had their fill of an adult partner that challenged and befuddled them. Both were handsome and charming.

 

My point is not to start a witch hunt.  There are many thoughtful and mindful teachers and coaches working hard and respecting the role of mentor to young people.  They derive great satisfaction in earning the trust of the young people that look up to them and they even become better people when they know that a child is watching them for an example of the kind of adult that they aspire to be.

 

But the reality is that there are Humbert Humberts and Christopher Hookers working with our youth.  Right now there are men (and possibly women, but I don’t have any experience with female pedophiles, so I won’t address them) working in schools looking at your kids with malicious intentions. They will find the sensitive ones, ones with higher than average intelligence who yearn for someone to understand the turmoil that is the adolescence of a sensitive child. Some of these girls don’t have fathers to rely on and some have outstanding fathers. Some of these girls will be popular or outgoing, some will be bookish or shy.  The one thing these girls all have in common is that they are looking for a mentor worthy of their trust.  Teachers and coaches who are trained and employed to guide our children will become their confidantes and  in that intimacy of trust, the Christopher Hookers of the world will strike time and again.

My high school history teacher is one of these men.  For many years, he sought out this sensitive and clever child.  Again and again he found her.  He looked for the proud and intelligent ones, so that when it was over, they would go quietly in shame and keep their stories to themselves.  Their families would be quiet as well, just grateful that their independent daughters had escaped, young enough to heal the damage and all the wiser in the end. Yet their silence enabled him to repeat his crimes time and again.  I know of several high school students he had sexual relationships with, because I was one of them.

History shows examples of powerful men demanding nubile lovers. But our society and our laws forbid it.  Why?  Because that 15, 16, and 17 year old child is exactly that – a child and she must be protected by both society and by law – especially in school. She needs to learn to manage her sexuality in a way that is healthy for her, for her community and her partners, while she learns personhood, responsibility, and who she is and who she might be. She will make mistakes but they are her mistakes to make and she deserves adult advisors  she can trust.

Great teachers and mentors are pivotal in a young person’s development.  Each of us has been affected by that amazing teacher, a kind neighbor, a fantastic relative or some other adult that we could admire and model our behavior after.  If we are lucky, we have had several of those people in our lives who took an interest in us and pushed us to achieve.  We gave those people our most precious gifts; our admiration and our trust. The importance of that relationship and the value of that trust are immeasurable.  Because of this, a violation of this trust on the part of the adult is not just immoral, it is criminal.

My old teacher must be close to 70 now and I’m a happily married woman in my 40’s.  I’m almost exactly the age now that he was when we were together.  If I picture myself pursuing one of my 17 year old students in a sexual manner, I’m never tempted, only baffled.  I understand that he has now raised some teen girls.  I wonder if he thought how he would feel if his daughters were victimized by the adults that they trusted.

Forgiveness means not letting this bother me anymore. My history teacher did have real feelings for me and that I know now that I was, and am worthy of a man’s love and affection.  With time and thought, I’ve forgiven myself and in some ways, I have forgiven him.  It was far from easy. But if in this writing I can and convince one parent to follow her suspicion and counsel her daughter before it’s too late, one school board member to mindfully investigate a story and bring an abuser to justice, if I can bring peace to one young woman who was drawn in by someone who violated the trust of the student/teacher relationship, if I can affect the thinking of a coach who finds himself falling for a minor student and cause him to pause and  and change his course of action, then this post has been successful.

Teen girls may seem sophisticated and sexual and clever, but they are children and they deserve the chance to learn and explore in a space safe from a trusted adult’s insecurities and neuroses.

The teacher or coach is hired to mentor,  guide and teach the children.  That breach of  a sacred public trust must be punished severely and that man’s shame be made public to protect against the eventuality of future victims. As a society, we must honor childhood and protect it.

A very public shame on you Christopher Hooker.  I actively despise your misuse of  children’s trust.  If you are found guilty, may our justice system see your acts as criminal.  My wish is that your children will find mentors who will inspire them and that those mentors respect your children’s trust in a way that you failed to do.

 

Joell Dunlap

Executive Director, The Square Peg Foundation

Www.everyonefits.org

 

It’s been a couple of weeks since the amazing event at The Montalvo Center for the Arts. I’m still swimming in a sea of gratitude for the Herculean efforts of Heart of Silicon Valley, the heroic abilities of Jan Holland Malcom, who has had my back in every major event in my life for the last (gulp) 30 years. We had the services of the splendid heart of Peter Finch and the talents of Megan Slankard, Claes Clem, headliner band LUCE and our friend Nichole Schumacher.

There are so many more folks to thank, most especially the 250+ folks who showed up for the party and the concert, the sponsors including Gordon Biersch, Dio Deka, Sarah’s Vinyard and One Brick Volunteers, Martin Ranch Winery, Thor Audio Solutions and Party Helpers. Our volunteers were stellar and the event was a rousing success.

 

A few folks have asked us to publish my short presentation, it follows:

 

“Against some very expert advice – I’m famous for disregarding good advice. In fact, Square Peg EXISTS because Darius and I ignored the advice that it couldn’t be done. So I’m leading with the bad news: The bad news is that I’m going to ask you for money.

The good news is that I’m not going to bore you by explaining our methods and philosophies, I’m just going to tell you a few stories about why you need to support Square Peg.

You’ve heard Max tell his story. I never get tired of hearing Max speak, which is a good thing, because Max speaks A LOT! ;-) But seriously, Max is never happier than when he is helping other people. Max doesn’t just impress me, he’s my friend, and he inspires me.

 

On Tuesdays we spend time with three little boys who happen to be African refugees. They’re orphans and suffer from PTSD. Two of the three have learning difficulties and show tenets of autism. What these boys have seen, we can’t imagine. What’s important is that they boys and they are bursting with boy energy. Rather than force on them the finer points of equitation, we need them to feel powerful and able. We put bareback pads on three of our trustiest horses and Greg, Sigourney and I hopped on and put he boys in our lap. We had the rowdiest, squealing, gallopingest game of tag on horseback our arena has ever seen!

This summer, we finally got a chance to work with the SAGE Project, a program doing outreach for sex workers. We did a day trip for their youth program. Spend a minute with that thought: It’s just what you think: Trafficked. Child. Sex workers. Seven girls came out and we paired them up with seven of our best volunteers. Because there are no accidents, it was interesting to find that our seven volunteers almost exactly matched the ages of the girls from the SAGE Project. Each volunteer had chosen a horse she loved and she worked individually with the girls formerly from the streets. One on one, the volunteers taught the girls how to groom and saddle and ride the horses. There were peals of giggles and at the end, there were tears and hugs. For three hours, these girls got to be just silly girls learning a new skill.

Each of those seven teen-aged volunteers came to be over the next few days and told me how affected they were. Their worlds were larger and more compassionate and open for the experience. This, even by Square Peg standards was a good day.

In August this year, we turned out for our first unofficial match as a interscholastic polo team. We were to play against Cal Poly’s team. They showed up with beautiful horses, shiny tack and team jerseys. We didn’t even have matching shirts. Square Peg with our rescued and donated horses trounced our opponents 16 to 4!

In November, we started working the Horse Boy Method. If you have seen the movie or read the book you know it’s founders, an autistic child named Rowan and his dynamic parents, are amazing. We’ve never worked with a method before. We felt like an island that ignored really good advice and breaks rules; it’s been successful. But now, the doors that we had cracked open were now blown off the hinges! We have the tools to train our horses in collected gaits and movements we thought were only available to world-class dressage horses and now we offer these joyful movements to our kids. The results have us just plain giddy.

You see, when you train a horse, not with the intention of winning ribbons or of re-selling the animal to the highest bidder, but instead, if you train him to carry a child who can’t speak for himself, a child who might have forgotten what joy is, if you can train that horse to bear those children into an adventure, anything is possible.

 

 

We have so much more to tell you and so much work to do. Call me, write us a note, or plan a visit. I’m certain that you will never meet harder working people than the staff and volunteers at the ranch. Your pledge goes directly to services to rescued horses and kids who know what it’s like to be a Square Peg. Please come along on this amazing ride as we continue to change the world, one horse and one child at a time.”

 

Enjoy Bammy winning Luce’s hit song performed for Square Peg’s benefit here:

 

So much gratitude to all who made this day and the miracle we call Square Pegs possible!

We’re back!  Wiser, inspired and slightly sore. Note to self; you are over 40 years old, it may be time to give up attempting flips on the trampoline (for the record – I stuck the landing).

Ahem.

For those of you who don’t know, we were invited to spend a week at HorseBoy Method, New Trails Center in Elgin, Texas for intensive Master Training with Rowan, Rupert, Iliane and the tribe at the ranch.  Neither Sigourney nor I knew what to expect.  We were both feeling a little bit sheepish leaving the care of all of the kids, critters and volunteers in Greg’s hands for an entire week, but we were so eager to build our skills and find out just why HorseBoy Method resonates so powerfully with autism families, we packed our helmets and boots and shuffled off to Texas.

 

What we found was pretty darn magical.  The folks at New Trails took us in like family.  Despite hobbling around on crutches with a freshly broken leg, Rupert was there smiling and bursting with enthusiasm, ready to bestow on us all the training our brains could hold.  We saw a group of people dedicated to providing Rowan a universe where he could be safe and where there is  joy in watching him learn in his amazing fashion. In turn, Rowan teaches everyone who spends any time with him. This is a group that truly walks a path of joy and gratitude and it shows in everything they do.

The horses did all that was asked of them with kindness and courage.  They were honestly the happiest bunch of horses I’ve known.  Not just happy, but educated.  We rode laterals, collection and even some airs.  The horses offered these upper level movements not from grinding and stress, but in a spirit of kindness and understanding.  I’m not just impressed, I’m flabbergasted.  And Rupert and Iliane shared training technique and worked us through bringing horses into suppleness and collection and the beginning of passage, half steps and levade.  Truly exciting.

 

Our evenings were spent around a table sharing thoughts, theory, stories, ideas and food. There are few things more enjoyable than to eat a meal with people while with a common goal to help and to serve.  It became clear that both horses and people live best in community with each other.

Now I’m saddled with the chore of  figuring out what all this means for Square Peg. Approaching the training of horses with the ultimate goal of having those horses be partners with us to reach kids who struggle changes the way you do almost everything with the horse – and the results are mind bending. We have already seen a significant improvement in our horses since Rupert and Iliane came out to train our staff and key volunteers in December. We will also go to work implementing some ideas about the physical environment that our horses live in and that our families ride in to be more conducive to working with LD and DD families (creating more space to run and play for the kids, replacing fluorescent lighting in the clubhouse with something less apt to trigger a response from ASD kids – things like this).

 

There is so much work to do and we can’t wait to get on it.  Join us if you will.  Here’s a list of some things we are going to need:

• Funds and hands to build a children’s play structure and area complete with trampoline and swingset.
• Funds and hands to do some re-fencing in the sanctuary pasture.
• We need a porch and an outdoor kitchen at our clubhouse/office.
• We need a 21″ to 22″ synthetic Western Saddle.
• We need to replace the lighting in the clubhouse.

Help if you can. Come and be part of this quirky universe. I guarantee that you will love the ride!

Here’s one really fun and easy way you can help – attend our Fundraiser with the Heart of Silicon Valley on Sunday, March 4.  Details and tickets here.

Another way to help is to share this post on your social networks.  Who knows who will read it and be able to be instrumental in helping? Plus, it’s how we reach more autism families who will benefit from what we have to offer.

You can always donate here.

Below is a detailed list of projects we have going.  If you would like to sponsor any of the items below, contact us at joell@squarepegfoundation.org

• $54,000 pays our annual facility rent
• $25,000 feeds the entire Square Peg herd for one year
• $20,000 builds our polo arena, including lights for evening playing, spectator seating and BBQ area
• $10,000 builds a handicap accessible bathroom at the ranch
• $8,000 replaces our old round pen for training and lessons
• $7,500 builds the new pasture including fencing and shelters
• $7,000 pays the annual farrier bill
• $6,000 provides bedding for the horses for one full year
• $5,000 pre-pays our veterinarian for the year
• $4,500 pays our lease for one month
• $3,500 buys 11 tons of feed – this lasts us 65 days
• $3,250 builds our HorseBoy Environment for sensory work
• $2,500 sponsors a HorseBoy summer camp experience for three autistic children and their families
• $1,000 cares for an Off Track Thoroughbred Racehorse for one month including board, feed, shoeing and training
• $500 purchases semi-annual vaccination boosters for the herd
• Every dollar counts!  Any donation you make helps us to turn “I wish” into “I can.”

 

 

 

KBAY’s Sam Van Zandt called Heart of Silicon Valley Founders Jeff Pollock and Yvonne Wolters in for an interview to talk about the great work they are doing at Heart of Silicon Valley.  They dragged little old me along for the ride and Sam gave us all a little bit of time to talk about the work we do.  The show will air Sunday morning February 5, 2012 on KBAY.  You can listen to the show here:

Heart of Silicon Valley KBAY interview

 

Don’t forget to get your tickets to this winter’s very best show – you don’t want to miss this one!

 

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