shortest days

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Every year, I struggle around the solstice. Maybe it’s because the Holiday spirit doesn’t seem to do much for me, maybe I’m just not a shopper or maybe I have trouble getting and receiving gifts. Nah, it’s just that I need the sunlight and I need the daylight hours in which to get everything done that I need to. Even in the long days of summer, I never seem to find enough time to ride as much as I’d like or to do as much as I’d like to get done, so losing 6 hours of daylight certainly cuts into that mix!

I know our ancestors created big holidays around the solstice as an opportunity to build community in those times where the nights are long and cold. It’s a time to come together an remind ourselves what makes us human. Strangely, I find myself wanting to be alone more in these times.

Yesterday, the cold rain was falling all day. I cancelled lessons and advised any volunteers that they should probably stay home and be warm and dry. So it was just me, 18 horses, nine barn cats and the goats, a boatload of chores – and the rain. Sometime in the late afternoon, I was up in the pasture digging trenches for the rain water to flow into the creek. My wrist and back were aching and the mud had seeped into my tall rubber boots. I was feeling sorry for myself, feeling under-staffed and overworked and generally having a big jolly pity party for myself. It’s easy for a girl to do while standing shin deep in mud while your office is spilling over with projects to finish, bills to pay and an email inbox with over 100 messages waiting to be dealt with.

Just as I was reaching the apex of my now full-blown self absorbed feel-sorry-for-myself-jubilee, Gigi, the princess Tb mare, made her way over to me. She just looked at me and invited me to pet her head with my muddy gloves. We stood together for a few minutes. She didn’t turn and demand that I scratch her withers, she didn’t sniff my pockets for treats. She just wanted to be close. Not for protection, or food, she forsook the company of the other horses in the pasture – just to be close to me. We simply hung out for awhile like the old friends that we are, in the rain and the mud. I told her what a fool I was and I thanked her for her own version of wisdom.

Some days – however short, turn out to be very good days.

Joell Dunlap

Executive Director
Square Peg Foundation
Mission: to turn “I wish” into “I can.”
http://www.everyonefits.org

“Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply,
to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed.”
-Storm Jameson

A student’s perspective

My name is Max Freiberger. I am in 8th grade. I’m here to share with my you what it’s like to be a kid with disabilities. I am one of those kids, because I have Tourette’s syndrome, ADHD, and other health problems. I want to let you know how they affect my life.

Tourette’s Syndrome is a very frustrating disease. It makes you twitch and tic and twist and kick and move uncontrollably when you don’t want to. It tires you out. It makes you ache from the inside out. It frustrates you. It makes you feel out of control. It makes you feel powerless. And it can lead to acting without thinking.

I don’t know why all this happens. I try hard to think about what I’m doing so that I won’t harm someone or myself. It’s hard for me and I don’t always succeed. But I try.

I do it by talking to myself. I remind myself to be quiet. I remind myself that the punishment or consequences of getting angry is worse than the reward of being angry at the moment. But, sometimes nothing works. Not even the dozens and dozens of medication I have tried over the years.

Let me come back to what it’s like to live with these kinds of problems. I don’t have a lot of friends. I’m not sure why.

I used to have a lot of friends at school until about 4th grade when my Tourettes got really bad. I feel very isolated because I had to change schools. I used to go to a Jewish school in San Francisco. I went there until my Tourettes got so bad that I needed an aid to go to class with me. They don’t have aids and my parents could not afford one, so I had to go to a public school where I could have an aid. But, they put me in a special education class. I am not learning anything because I am so much more advanced than the rest of the class that I actually don’t learn anything new. The teacher can’t teach two different curriculums at once.

The only thing I have learned at this school is ASL, American Sign Language. Now I know a little over 600 words. The reason I learned Sign Language was so I could volunteer as a Teacher’s Aid and help with the kids in the autistic classroom. In this class, there are kids with Autism, Down syndrome and Mental Retardation. All but one of the kids has trouble talking because their brains won’t let them even though they understand. So I’m helping them learn Sign Language. Autistic kids have a communication disorder, an obsession with themselves and a short attention span.

Most of these kids cannot phonic read, which means that they cannot sound words out, they can only memorize what words look like. They are not able to read any books yet unless they memorize each word in that book. It is really hard for them. The kids with autism often take in everything you say and they don’t forget. They just can’t communicate it and are probably a lot smarter than we are.

One of the kids has Asperger syndrome. He is able to read closer to his age-level. A kid with Asperger syndrome is a lot like an autistic kid but with a more mild case of autism. I love helping in this class. The teachers seem be understanding of what it is like for me. And it is fun to help the kids. I have a lot of patience with the kids just like people try and have with me.

What I think people need to understand about children with special needs is that you shouldn’t try to understand. You just can’t. There is no way you can put yourself in our shoes. You can try to understand but really there is no way to comprehend what it is like to live your life as a child with special needs.

You just have to understand that no matter what we do that we are not bad kids.

We just need more help and patience. And remember that we learn differently. An example is that one day while helping with one of the kids the special education teachers could not figure out a way to teach him to count. So they asked me for any ideas and I suggested using different types of toys as symbols. For example, watermelons mean one, triangles mean two, bananas three and banana plus watermelon means four. This approach worked. Imagine that!

I learn a lot from other special needs kids. I go to an awesome horseback riding ranch called Square Peg in Half Moon Bay. This is a non-profit foundation to teach all kids with and without special needs to care for and ride horses. The people at Square Peg rescue racehorses that would be slaughtered otherwise. Square Peg spends time retraining them as riding horses for children with special needs. I have gone to Square Peg Ranch since I was five. I used to only ride but now I am a student teacher and volunteer and I help other special needs kids. This is a place where we can be ourselves and have fun and be accepted. I wish there were more places like this in my world. If anyone is interested in learning more or volunteering or helping in any way about Square Peg, talk to me.

In closing, I hope that all of you remember that we are just kids who might need some patience, a little extra help and allowed to be a little different.

But, most of all what I am trying to say is you just need to love us anyway.

See Jane Ride

To everyone who helped make Saturday happen, my most sincere thank you. For those of you who put up with me all week, I don’t know how you did it.

Here’s photos: http://picasaweb.google.com/joelldunlap/JGIRideAndDinner100607?authkey=tFQgDCJoVbI
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As I sit quietly at the computer, my body is at rest and I’m doing my best with some housekeeping of my brain.

I’m tempted to write a story, an essay something about my recent experience meeting the great, the mighty, the humble and the brilliant Jane Goodall.

It’s what I should do. It’s what my training as a writer tells me to do. It’s a story that could sell, or at least gain attention.

But if I’ve learned one thing in listening to Dr. Goodall, it’s that doing what you are trained to do is not as productive as you might think. It’s not even that creative and it won’t break down the walls of society or the walls in your head. At least, that’s what I heard when I listened to this amazing and accomplished woman. She seems to feel that thinking outside the box is just exactly that. OUTSIDE the box. Where there are no rules, nor are there any boundaries or guarantees.

It’s a wonderful and terrifying and exciting place, this space outside of the box.

So off I go into the void, fumbling towards who knows what. Letting my passion and my curiosity be my guide. What comes out might be brilliant, it might be drivel, but at least it’s mine.

I feel like railing against the education establishment yet again, but it seems misplaced. Somehow, by growing Square Pegs and starting a groundswell movement where children are taking responsibility, cultivating kindness, using creativity and feeling at home in their own bodies, then maybe the next generation is empowered to start solving the problems that we have created. This is my talent, this is my task.

I think this is Dr. Jane’s thinking and it’s what keeps her hopeful in spite of all that she has seen and all that she knows. That the hope is in the children. That adults are not very trainable. That kindness to the animals and our planet inspires the younger generation to become invested in their future.

So, now with a few cobwebs cleared in my murky, aging brain, I now feel like my path is more clear. That I can’t afford to get bogged down with the minutiae of the operation. By the small-mindedness of some people and the way they treat their children or their animals. My job is to care for the animals that are here now and to the best of my ability and to inspire the children to believe in themselves and to follow their dreams, to do what is right.

Thank you Lady Jane.

Continue reading “See Jane Ride”

Girls and Horses, what’s the connection?

On Trust

Is it trust then that causes you to wrap your tiny hand around the gnarled cotton rope and breathlessly tug as you walk away assuming that 1000 lbs of pure flesh and bone will follow you quietly? Is it delusion? Or arrogance? It doesn’t really matter because the 1000 lbs at the end of the rope is looking at you trustingly as he follows you. No matter who you are, you know that this is amazing.

Continue reading “Girls and Horses, what’s the connection?”

Maybe it’s OK that not everyone loves the Square Peg name…

I’ve had many reactions to the Square Peg logo and name. Lots of folks like it and are intrigued by the idea. Somie even think it’s brilliant! but we do get some other responses. Several people have HATED the circle logo with the word “Square”. One non-profit professional told me, completely seriously, “We recommend that non-profits name themselves something related to what they do”.

So today I have some vindication for those responses that sometimes worry us. In the article Maybe you should be attracting enemies, on Donor Power Blog, Jeff Brooks talks about the value of stirring things up.  I’m going to put some thought into this in the coming weeks. Beyond our name, how can we really distinguish ourselves and set ourselves apart? What really makes us “us”. What is it that’s interesting enough about what we do to make some people dislike it?

Thoughts? Please let me know!

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Horsemanship: Art or Science

So I was reading the other night and the thought occurred to me; “is horsemanship an art? is it a science?” Certainly, Horsemanship has elements of both. But I realized that how I might approach a student to teach them might have a lot to do with how the student might answer the question, not how I would. That said, I’m posing the question to you, our supporters, horsemen, students and the community at large. How do you answer the question?

Continue reading “Horsemanship: Art or Science”

Do What You Love

Paul Graham has written a wonderful essay How to Do What You Love. Everyone should read this!

As a Square Peg, it’s important to think about the meaning we are creating. Each of us have things we’re rather be doing at any given moment, and as Paul Graham points out, doing what you love does not mean just doing whatever you feel like doing.

I always wanted to create something that made a difference. That’s why I studied engineering, that’s why I went into customer support, that’s why I started different groups and projects in my career, that’s why I decided to help Joell start Square Pegs. It’s that recurring theme of making meaning in my life.

So find that which creates meaning for you, and I think you’ll find yourself embracing that which makes you a Square Peg.

Why Blog?

The Donor Power Blog has a good article on the reasons a non-profit should blog and the reasons they should not:

Donor Power Blog: Should your nonprofit blog?

So, what are our reasons for starting this blog? Well, for one thing, it was easy. Joell and I are comfortable writing, so that makes it easier for us (other than finding the time). The blog software we use, Movable Type, is very easy to use and provides all the sophisticated interfaces for syndication, plug-ins, authoring, comments and trackbacks. And now we’re going to hook it more directly into our website so that it serves as regularly updated content there. Joell uses ecto, which is wonderful on the Mac, and I use Performancing and the Movable Type web interface because ecto on windows just doesn’t work as well. (I can’t WAIT to be off of my windows machine! But that’s a topic for anotherposting.)

But mostly we started this blog because we wanted to capture more of the stories about what we do and what happens every day at Square Pegs. As we teach, learn about running and non-profit and note interesting trends and ideas, we hope people come to understand better what this is all about a are compelled to get involved. Maybe they’ll send us a check, or maybe they’ll volunteer. Or maybe they’ll be inspired to go support some other cause that really has their heart. That’s OK too!

The Donor Power Blog article mentions how few people are “reading blogs”. But I don’t think that’s really a barrier. Your own supporters are your first customers for your blog. If they know you are blogging and are interested in your cause ( and have computer access), they’ll come and read what you write. Make sure they like it, and make sure they believe that what you’re writing captures the story of your organization.

I also believe that many people have read a blog but don’t even know it. To them it’s just a website. But folks (techies like me) get hung up on the specifics and on the buzz-words. Heck, our friend Joe Shelton has a blog, and doesn’t even know it – because he just writes a new story every day on the front page of his website. No archive, no categories, no RSS feed, just great stories about life on a Horse Rescue ranch. I don’t just call it a blog because he updates it all the time, but because it’s all about the stories. That’s the key – the stories.

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