Beautiful, Rowdy Prisoners

…..Peace and kindness are contagious but must be cultivated.

This week, I pushed a student past her limit and she hit an anxiety wall.

It wasn’t the end of the world.  This student is unusually forgiving.  Mom was pleased  I’d had the temerity to push her daughter past her comfort zone.  The daughter was able to laugh about the incident and all was forgiven.

But the whole thing stayed with me:  What was my intent in pushing this anxious child?

C. Bachinger of the Spanish Riding School with instructor Rachel Bisaillon on Cecil

When training a horse if your intent is pure, the horse will forgive your mistakes. But if you come to the horse in fear or ego, there is no joy for either of you, even if the move is perfect.

Earning a child’s trust comports moral responsibility – this increases exponentially when the child has special needs. Only when you earn trust can you challenge the student to push boundaries and explore new skills and interests. At the end of the day – the motivation must come from inside the student for that skill to have  lasting effect or real meaning.

So – what is the value of an education foisted on a child?

Enter; moral ambiguity.

On one hand – education drives our society forward.  Education battles ignorance.  The pen is mightier than the sword and the information super networks have made our planet a community like never before. But our education systems are not designed to teach the values that make life worth living;  joy, curiosity, community andFullSizeRender 172 compassion.

Even that’s not true.  I attended a high school’s science fair last week and the kids were smarter,  better integrated, more tolerant and just plain nicer than my generation. Education has made  great strides in innovation, embracing different learning styles, and encouraging curiosity.

IMG_8041_2While riding my horse in the sunshine, his powerful back swinging freely creating oxytocin in my overworked and sore body, I started to untangle the role Square Peg plays in this giant education question. I had a feeling as l rode, it started to gel when I wrapped my arms around his muscular neck thanking him for a brilliant ride. I took my saddle off his warm back and this statement flowed out: Peace and kindness are contagious but must be cultivated.

Square Peg’s overarching purpose is to cultivate peace and kindness any way we can.

photo by Robyn Peters

If it’s taking a dreamy child for a ride in the kayak to tell stories while floating in the pond – or in making the time to listen to a worried parent fresh from the latest IEP or in teaching a young man working with a jumpy young horse that his kindness and patience are strengths – not weaknesses.  It’s putting a guinea pig into a baby sling and placing it on the heart of a child while she rides a horse fully 20 times her size. This is how we cultivate kindness and peace radiate them into the world.

Registering our intention as an organization means we can forgive ourselves and others for mistakes.

The Sufi poet Hafiz wrote: 

Oh how we love our beautiful rowdy prisoners….

Strong Women Aren’t Always Human

Gigi:ThairWhen a horse at the ranch dies, It’s my job to help  kids come to grips with the circle of life.  I carefully consider the age and emotional state of each person when I break the news to them. It’s a tricky dance navigating each family’s culture regarding death.

This time was different. This time, I did what must be done quietly and privately. I acknowledged  Gigi and I had been soulmates for close to 17 years. This time, I attended to my pain and loss with the tenderness I afford others in these situations.

What flowed back was the kindness and innocence that Gigi loved – I am grateful for the care I’m giving myself.

Around 1999 (Art Sherman, California Chrome’s trainer) asked me to give him $1 for a skinny and awkward horse. She looked like both front legs came out of the same hole.  Her exercise rider said she was crazy.  Plus, you couldn’t tie her – she’d panic and destroy anything to get free. Add to that, her leg was injured and swollen. 

I said yes.

Thoroughbreds are handled by humans from the day they are born.  Therefore, most Thoroughbreds are happy to please humans and see them as fellow members of their herd. This filly – not so much.  She had no name, no tattoo, the exercise rider told me she was bred by some guy who left his horses mostly wild until they were four years old.

She grew big and strong and brilliant but still fearful.  I called her Gigi.

Gigi circa 2000
Gigi circa 2000

I showed her through first level dressage.  The judges consistently wrote “very tactful rider.” They could tell I was sitting on dynamite. Gigi jumped boldly, if flat and fast.  She was famous for turning bounces into giant spread fences. She brought out the best and the worst in me as a rider.

As much as Gigi could humble arrogance,  Gigi was better at recognizing true innocence. Faced with a child or a kitten or even an adult without an agenda – Gigi’s face softened, she’d stretch her elegant neck toward them and lick them with her pink tongue.

Image003When I started using her in lessons, people who knew her complained bitterly. They said she was unsafe, unpredictable, strong and willful.  With me – yes.  With any professional who climbed upon her broad back – absolutely.  With children – never.

By 2004, when we started Square Peg, she was a cornerstone of the program.

IMG_2562For eleven years she packed kids.

Last year we knew something was wrong.  After a light ride, Gigi was sweaty and tired. She angrily bit one of our best kids while brushing. Her coat turned rough and then she started losing weight.  We checked teeth, we pulled blood.  We supplemented her food.  She was only 20 for goodness sakes.

A fantastic private thoroughbred charity called us last year and said “how can we help Square Pegs?”  I knew right away what to say.

“Our matriarch is sick and we can’t figure out what’s going on.  I’d like to send her to the UCDavis and see if we can help her.”

After the Finish Line gave us the go-ahead and our vet made all the connections to have her examined by the University’s best. After a week of ultrasounds, blood tests, biopsy procedures and more we came home baffled. Gigi slipped another notch or twelve in that time. The tests for Cushing’s Disease came back inconclusive but it’s all we had to go on.

Our friends at Auburn Labs supported her with over $1,000 worth of their APF Pro product that had proven results for horses with Cushing’s Disease.

In Cushing’s the adrenal glands won’t shut down. Gigi was under constant chemical stress.  It destroyed her eyesight, her joints, her metabolism, her lungs.

For the last five months we attended to her every whim.  We grazed her in the most lush spots. We cleaned her water bucket daily so she could try to quench her insatiable thirst.

Yesterday, my friend, my teacher, my treasured co-worker was finally able to lie down again.  The stress hormones no longer pushed through her veins.

A friend left flowers and a note in front of her stall with words that spoke volumes: “Strong women aren’t always Human.”

Gigi was a bold diva – a princess with a  gallant heart.  She reminded me of one of my favorite film heroes – Maude from Harold and Maude.  When Harold demands “You can’t die – I LOVE you!”  Maude smiles and answers  “That’s wonderful! Now go and love some more.”

Goodbye my darling Gigi.  I promise to go and love some more.

I Will Always Be a Follower

by Rachel Bisaillon

Some of the kids’ names in this post have been changed to remain confidential.

camp12Silly This month, marks three years at Kastl Rock Ranch. This occasion has me reflecting on how Square Peg has grown and evolved. What it really comes down to is the ability to increase our HorseBoy™ teachings and focus on using humor, nature, and relinquishing control helping create a recipe for success at Square Peg. 

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Through the eucalyptus trees, small ripples in the pond, and mountainous terrain of our 110 acre farmI hand over control and leadership to Axel. Some weeks we are gorillas, some weeks dogs, some weeks horses— it’s up to him. We hike the farthest boundary fences of the farm, up the steepest hills and through miles of forest. Every week is an adventure, with Axel leading the way. We run through the underground culvert, a sensory palace. We scramble through the trees and climb fences. Some moments are teachable, some moments are humorous all experiences are learning moments for me.


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The first time Jimmy arrived at Square Peg, we thought he would never come back. He screamed, pulled hair, pinched, and refused to acknowledge Panzur. He stood at the car banging the hood and screaming for his iPod. We managed to get him in the golf cart which we drove around the arena with Panzur following and eating carrots out of the back. The second time Jimmy came, he threw a carrot at Panzuracknowledgement! Progress! By the fifth time, Jimmy was riding by himself, with the iPod, watching the Spirit movie. We back-rode for a few sessions and built a relationship of trust. He is now trotting on Panz independently.


IMG_9120Jay is terrified of dogs. Jay started with us the summer of 2015 and refused to be within five feet of any dog. We carried him, would lock the dogs away, and used the golf-cart to scuttle away from them. We never made a big deal about it, except for showing him these dogs wouldn’t hurt him
they were gentle dogs. We wondered if this would be a forever hatred. Last week, while rocking back and forth on the gate, just above Patti’s floppy ears. He started calling to her, then (surprisingly) launched himself off the gate, ran over, grabbed her wrinkles in fistfuls and got nose to nose with her. “Patttttiiiiiiii, Pattttttttttttiiiiiiiiiii,” he sang. He sat on the ground and snuggled her, while talking about what breed of dog Patti is, where she came from, and how sweet she was.

IMG_2354Why these three stories? One of the  aspects of Horse Boy Method is  “Follow the Child.” We’re taught that teaching and learning are about one person having knowledge and bestowing it upon others. It’s the same dynamic from teacher to pupil, from older to younger siblings, doctor to patient, and so on. Letting go long enough to “Follow the Child” takes practice, patience and a whole lot of ego management. But when we do – the whole world changes. It’s only when we are curious and open to learning that we tune in to our physical bodies and the world around us that we actually learn.


Special needs children spend most of their lives in a position of powerlessness:

“Don’t touch that”

“Don’t bother that lady”

“You must eat this, wear this, pay attention to this.”


IMG_1328When we create an environment where these kids explore, experience and lead us— communication starts to flow from a place of trust. By letting the child lead we we honor his humanity and the wisdom of childhood. Consequently, we learn and we rediscover joy and curiosity.  

 

 

Take a few hours to followlive in the shoes of Axel, Jimmy, and Jay for a bit. Be okay with handing over your teacher hat and just playing follower. See where they take you, what they tell you, and how they teach you. It’s a gift.  

 

Values

“Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.” Gandhi

Early this week, I traveled to Texas to check in with our beloved HorseBoy tribe and to study under the wisdom and patience of international equitation masters Sofia Valenca and Goncalo Linhas. I enjoyed the connection of a community united by love and the quest for knowledge.

While flying home, I thought long and hard about where Square Peg is growing and why. My thoughts were jumbled and I needed to decide where to put my limited resources and energy.

I must start with how best to serve our staff.  Because clients will never be more satisfied than your staff.   Next big question is how can we serve all the families that want and need and deserve services?  How do I prioritize the projects that need the most attention to achieve what is needed for program growth, client needs, donor appreciation, public education, and general organizational health?  I looked these big questions over and over, and I got overwhelmed.

I took a bunch of deep breaths.  Then I took a hundred more. I went to the barn and snuggled the horses and watched them snuggle my staff. Each animal face was open and inviting – quirky and sweet.I took time to receive the affection they  freely offered. 

I decided to go to the heart of the matter. I wrote in my journal: What Makes Square Peg special? Lots of programs have fancy curriculums, beautiful buildings, impressive boards and sponsors.  They have goal sheets, charts and graphs and money to spend. And their families leave feeling flat, confused or unheard.

Next I wrote: “Why does anyone support Square Peg?” Truth is, this hybrid of horse rescue and serving autism families sounds pretty far-fetched. Yet it works. Why?

I walked circles around the house, petted the dogs and brewed more coffee. I sat down again.To my surprise my pen started moving seemingly on it’s own.  I wrote: people support us for our values of love, acceptance, laughter and compassionate treatment of the animals. “ I took another deep breath, put pen to paper again and found that I needed to write the exact same statement twice “people support us for our values of love, acceptance, laughter and compassionate treatment of the animals. “

Values.

It’s what makes a difference. At the end of the day – skills are skills – but values change the way we see ourselves and how we see the world.

Priorities started to line up effortlessly. Next,I answered the question of “Why Does Anyone Support Square Peg”  easily;

People will support square peg because of our values of dignity and inclusion and celebrating the child. Mindfully, we will change ABA, education and even how OTTB’s are perceived. The horses aren’t capable of lying and reflect our commitment to our values. When they feel safe, appreciated and loved they are perfect partners –  and all thrive and all are encouraged to live useful, joyful and engaged lives.”

Here’s to values – as reflected by our horses. 

Thank you Universe. Thank you horses.

Dignity and Respect – the Antidote

Hold your loved ones close this chilly holiday and remember that the gift of Dignity costs you nothing and can mean the world.

I have a love-hate relationship with labels. Labels such as “special needs” or “autism spectrum disorder” can open doors, spark compassion, and create community. But they can also change how you view a person. Knowing how someone is labeled can provide a false sense that you know what makes him tick, know her strengths, understand his limitations. Labels have an insidious way of blinding you to the individual. And it doesn’t just affect people outside the family. In order to be effective advocates within the school system, parents have to spend a lot of time focused on their child’s diagnosis and areas of need within the educational environment. As a result, our vision can become clouded and we can lose sight of our child’s often considerable strengths.

Square Peg is the antidote. It is a place where over the years I have seen my child’s courage and competence blossom. Where I have hadEveEars the opportunity to see my child through the eyes of people who believe in him and value what he offers them. Where I have had the opportunity to examine my own assumptions and expectations and felt renewed clarity and optimism as a result.

I am immensely grateful to the folks at Square Peg, who don’t seem to be burdened by preconceived notions of what a person is capable of, for their treatment of everyone with dignity and respect, and for seeing the potential in each individual… and doing all that without fanfare or drama. And here’s the unique and very cool thing – this approach is in Square Peg’s DNA. It is not something they do, it is who they are.

We all sense this – the kids, the parents, the dogs, goats, and the horses – and because of it, wonderful things happen.

Your support keeps the wonderful things happening. Here’s how you can help.

Your support is what keeps these wonderful things happening - https://www.squarepegfoundation.org/2014/12/the-big-ask-give-the-priceless-gift-of-laughter-and-opportunity/
Your support is what keeps these wonderful things happening – https://www.squarepegfoundation.org/2014/12/the-big-ask-give-the-priceless-gift-of-laughter-and-opportunity/

On the Eve of Christmas Eve, Here’s a Story – About a Horse Called Eve.

On the Eve of Christmas Eve, we thought we’d share a story – about a horse called Eve.

by Kemma Peters

Kemma, Eve and Christian Bachinger of the Spanish Riding School
Kemma, Eve and Christian Bachinger of the Spanish Riding School

Last May, I was given the opportunity to help train a horse to maybe someday be a lesson horse. At the time it seemed all fun and games. I soon realized, this was going to become my life.

Eve is a little bay mare with a spunky attitude and a lot of fire. She is also smarter than I could ever imagine. She was, however, lazy and not even fit enough to trot a lap around the arena without falling on her face or stopping to pant.

Everyone has dreams. Sometimes those dreams even become reality. When I started riding her, it felt as though my life had found a purpose. She was my project. As I bribed this little brown mare with carrots and cookies, we became a team. Gradually, she began to respect me and trust me.

Perseverance and patience. That was all it took.

She taught me that I need to persevere. She showed me that, even though it may not always seem so, hard work does pay off. She has taught me patience better than any parent or teacher or friend ever could. And out of this patience, we have developed a trust. I trust this horse more than words can say.

There were times when I wanted to give up, where it felt all hope was lost and I was getting nowhere. Then, we would have a perfect ride and I would remember why I cared so much from the beginning. Sometimes, the frustration would make me angry, or even upset sometimes, but I kept going because I knew there was some reason I adored her so much.

We will never go to the Olympics, or the Grand Prix, or Rolex, or any other big name show there is. But I’m okay with that. It would be beyond incredible, but it just won’t happen. All she needs to do is carry a child and help them to enjoy themselves and life. She will be great at that.

And I know someday, another little girl or boy will love her as much as me.

Kemma has taught Eve jambette (among other things)
Kemma has taught Eve jambette (among other things)

 

One Big Horsey Family

IMG_5096 by Laurel Mitton

When eighth grade ended, I was not looking forward to summer. All my friends  lived at least an hour’s drive away and I had no way of talking to them. I was prepared for a dreary summer rereading the same books over and over. My summer, in short, might as well not exist.

Then my mom told me about Square Peg. I’ve lived with and on horses since before I was born but out of our MiraSmileoriginal herd of seven, we had only one retired Quarter Horse left. A barn with 20 horses sounded like heaven. Even so, I was still nervous. I hadn’t ever worked in a real barn and I didn’t know how to handle thoroughbreds. I didn’t know what would happen next.

As we drove up the driveway, I saw a line of seven or eight horses poking their heads over the fence of their stalls. A friendly girl met me in the shed row and introduced herself as Tessa. She showed me around and her bubbly personality made me feel at home immediately. Soon Rachel gave me some chores and Tessa helped teach me the routine. A few weeks later Rachel told me to go tack up Bert for my first lesson.

Since then I’ve been riding once a week and coming as many as three times a week to what I consider my second home. By the time my mom picks me up I’m covered in horse dirt, but I couldn’t be any happier to have found such a wonderful community of not just co-volunteers but friends. Everyone at Square Peg, from instructors to riders, treats not only me but each other as family. One big horsey family.

At Square Peg I’ve learned everything from how to balance six rollies, four feed tubs, and three girls on one golf cart to how to wrap polos to how to play Red Rover on horseback to how a good trot can make anyone’s day. I’m grateful to Square Peg for giving me enough confidence in my riding to jump bareback, a happy refuge from everyday stress, and, most importantly, a community of friends I hope will never disappear.

HorseyFamily

Extraordinary Gifts and Challenges

RCP_8780by Davis Finch

Early this year, Joell and Darius decided to adopt a hound from Rocket Dog Rescue.  One Thursday in February, Rocket Dog founder Pali Boucher brought over a couple of hounds to see if one would work, but none of them had the temperament necessary to live in an environment filled with horses, goats, cats and humans that is Square Peg Ranch.  A few weeks later, she returned with a young female bloodhound named Patti that was underweight and skittish but had potential.

The first time I met her Joell had just caught her as she had a habit of running off into the hills and she was leashed and frightened but notPattiFace aggressive.  The first few weeks she lived at the ranch, she would not let me near her; she would cower and walk away whenever I got close.  While skittish with everybody, she seemed especially fearful around men; even more so large men like me.  I was determined to change that.  So one day when I was in Joell’s house I got down on the floor next to her.  She came over, checked me out, and for once she let me pet her!  As I had hoped, going down to her level made me seem less threatening and thus got her to open up.

PattiLickSince that day, Patti has been much friendlier towards me.  If I surprise her or she’s upset about something, she still may back away, but that happens increasingly rarely.  It is far more common for her to enthusiastically greet me if I’m outside, or jump up on the sofa beside me if I’m in the house.  She has even become friendlier to children and other men such as my dad.  It has been amazing watching this fearful animal transform into a confident and friendly dog and I like to think I played a role in it.

I am grateful to Pali Boucher and Rocket Dog Rescue for saving Patti from a high-kill shelter in Los Angeles andPattiRachel entrusting her to Square Peg.  I am also grateful to Patti herself for giving me the chance to prove I will not harm her.  Finally, I am grateful to Square Peg for helping creatures in need; be it fearful dogs, unwanted racehorses, or humans with extraordinary gifts and challenges.PattiOverTheShoulder

Makes Me Feel Important

IMG_4093Creating meaningful work for people of differing abilities is central to Square Peg’s mission to turn “I wish” into “I can.” 

A journal entry from Carolyn Bielagus – longtime Square Peg rider and now instructor Beany Callaway’s assistant.

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Not a “Normal Job”

by Rebecca Knopf

I wouldn’t have what you call a ‘typical’ post-graduate job. I say to people that I am a riding instructor and then explain the kind of program Square Peg is, but I can never really do it justice by only using words.

My first time to the ranch I got lost. I drove halfway to the landfill, realized my mistake, and had to re-read the directions Rachel emailed me earlier in the week. When I finally did get there I walked up the hill and entered a hectic Saturday morning. The program was being filmed for  America’s Best Horseracing network. So I decided to stay out of the way; I picked up a manure fork and got to work, chatting with the teenage volunteers while mucking stalls and meeting the horses.

I realized this place is different and very special. The kids are valued; their thoughts, comments, and needs are heard, considered and responded to. The horses have their own colorful and vibrant personalities because they’re given the physical and emotional space to bloom and flourish. And parents comfortably trade stories, support, and laughter together without a competitive comparisons of their kids. It is unlike any barn I have ever experienced.

There has not been a “typical week” since… And I started 5 months ago.

 

The schedule and the routine are always in constant flux, but the feeling I had the first day is still the same. I am in awe of the scenic beauty I am surrounded by, as well as the joy that emanates from each person when they jump out of their car and walk, run, or wheel into the barn aisle offering goodies, giggles, and pats to each horse they pass.

Square Peg is more than just a ranch, it’s a paradise– a haven–a comfort and also often a challenge.

It’s a place that Joell, Rachel, Beany, Tucker, Patty, Carter, Panzur, Ace, Roxie, Curtis, Gigi, the nosey coyote, scampering rabbits, and that one hawk, have breathed acceptance, character, life, love and soul into. So when people ask me what I do now that I have graduated college, I just say, “I get to work at this amazing barn and we rescue off-the-track racehorses and serve kids on the spectrum.” People nod and exclaim what a wonderful thing it is that we do. While I don’t disagree, I think that in reality the families and kids I have the opportunity to serve, along with the horses I am able to work with, are cultivating me and shaping me into a more honest, caring and joyful person. Everyone I have met here has added such value to my life and I could not be more grateful. Square Peg is not just a barn, it is…. more.

RCP_4473-XLRCP_8954America’s Best Racing featured Square Peg’s Gigi (this was the filming that was going on for Becca’s first day of work)