Category: News

by Rebecca Knopf

I wouldn’t have what you call a ‘typical’ post-graduate job. I say to people that I am a riding instructor and then explain the kind of program Square Peg is, but I can never really do it justice by only using words.

My first time to the ranch I got lost. I drove halfway to the landfill, realized my mistake, and had to re-read the directions Rachel emailed me earlier in the week. When I finally did get there I walked up the hill and entered a hectic Saturday morning. The program was being filmed for  America’s Best Horseracing network. So I decided to stay out of the way; I picked up a manure fork and got to work, chatting with the teenage volunteers while mucking stalls and meeting the horses.

I realized this place is different and very special. The kids are valued; their thoughts, comments, and needs are heard, considered and responded to. The horses have their own colorful and vibrant personalities because they’re given the physical and emotional space to bloom and flourish. And parents comfortably trade stories, support, and laughter together without a competitive comparisons of their kids. It is unlike any barn I have ever experienced.

There has not been a “typical week” since… And I started 5 months ago.

 

The schedule and the routine are always in constant flux, but the feeling I had the first day is still the same. I am in awe of the scenic beauty I am surrounded by, as well as the joy that emanates from each person when they jump out of their car and walk, run, or wheel into the barn aisle offering goodies, giggles, and pats to each horse they pass.

Square Peg is more than just a ranch, it’s a paradise– a haven–a comfort and also often a challenge.

It’s a place that Joell, Rachel, Beany, Tucker, Patty, Carter, Panzur, Ace, Roxie, Curtis, Gigi, the nosey coyote, scampering rabbits, and that one hawk, have breathed acceptance, character, life, love and soul into. So when people ask me what I do now that I have graduated college, I just say, “I get to work at this amazing barn and we rescue off-the-track racehorses and serve kids on the spectrum.” People nod and exclaim what a wonderful thing it is that we do. While I don’t disagree, I think that in reality the families and kids I have the opportunity to serve, along with the horses I am able to work with, are cultivating me and shaping me into a more honest, caring and joyful person. Everyone I have met here has added such value to my life and I could not be more grateful. Square Peg is not just a barn, it is…. more.

America’s Best Racing featured Square Peg’s Gigi (this was the filming that was going on for Becca’s first day of work)

 

Yesterday, Beany was sick and Rachel and I divided up her teaching commitments. I taught C – a barely verbal young man whom I hadn’t worked with before. We tacked up Panzur and brought him to the arena.  At the mounting block C looked down at the horse and he hesitated.  I moved to help him but something made me stop. It’s my job to figure out what his hesitation was. Was he scared?  Was he unsure of me? He didn’t seem anxious. I watched. 

Turns out, he wasn’t scared at all. C let the air touch his face, he took the opportunity to bask in that moment just before you get on the horse – that moment before you engage in something exciting and somewhat unsure.  I could see him process and feel that moment – something I’ve never done. 

In that instant, I learned.

I learned that I’d been cheating myself and my students and even my horses of this possibility of reflection, of the few seconds to center oneself and settle into the space and into the moment. It’s like saying “grace” before a meal – just giving thanks and being present. After 47 years on this planet, a young man showed me what giving grace means.  

C got on when he was ready and off we went. He blissed out. He felt every move of Panzur’s body. He giggled, he trilled, he hopped up and down.  He closed his eyes and slung his head and burst out with happy noises. I know in my heart that giving him the time to prepare himself was a key to his joyful state.

 I started to engage and to teach and again I stopped.  I told his mom – I’m just going to keep this horse going and let C enjoy the ride. She and I shrugged our shoulders and smiled from ear to ear.  His rapture continued and it affected the horse, Rachel, who was working another horse in the arena,  his mom and me. I found myself thinking about that pony ride I was on as a little kid where my heart felt like it was going to burst with joy because I was on a horse riding in a park.

Afterward C and I exchanged words and he allowed the dogs to mill around him without panic.  I told him that we might have rain over the weekend (his next scheduled ride) but that the Holiday break was coming up so we would arrange something for him to ride.  I know he understood me – if not my words, my intention that he would be at the ranch riding again soon. I’m grateful to C for reminding me how much I love riding. I’m grateful to his mom for her trust in me explore how far we could go with it. I’m grateful to our kind horses who make it all possible. I’m grateful I can make a difference. I’m grateful for a moment of Grace.

My horse, Panzur, and I have both found a home at Square Peg, even though at first glance, we don’t seem like square pegs at all. Unlike many of Square Peg’s horses, Panzur was never worked hard on the racetrack and then discarded to an uncertain fate at the end of his career. Instead, he has spent his life in fancy show barns, being braided, groomed, acupunctured, and trailered to shows, where he was expected to carry a series of 100-pound teenage girls around jumping courses and then fed excessive amounts of carrots by said teenage girls. While many of Square Peg’s humans spent or are currently spending their childhoods struggling to fit into a school system that doesn’t understand them, I grew up excelling in prep schools and then at Stanford University. While most Square Peg humans view riding simple figures, or even getting up on a horse, to be a challenge, I spent my childhood competing in equitation classes and captaining the Stanford polo team.

Two years ago, some of the luck Panz and I had gotten used to enjoying began to ran out. Panzur reached the end of his show career, and was too big and too rambunctious to be a school horse – I couldn’t find a place for him. Though I had always defined myself by my riding ability and by being a “horse girl”, I hurt my back and learned that I would have to stop riding permanently in order to stay healthy. The deep sadness I felt at losing access to my lifelong passion left me feeling hopeless.

Panzur and I had nowhere to turn, until we found Square Peg. At Square Peg, Panzur found a home where he isn’t just living out his days alone in a pasture, but he gets to use his unique talent for love, affection, and understanding to help people. The rambunctiousness that prevented him from finding a home is miraculously gone – it’s as if Panzur senses that he is carrying people who need to gain comfort and confidence through riding, and he humbly undertakes this important responsibility.

For me, Square Peg is a place I can go where I can feel like a “horse girl” again, even though I can’t ride. Some of the things I miss most about being around horses are things I can still do at Square Peg, like cleaning tack, organizing medicine trunks, or giving horses baths. Hanging out around the other volunteers brings back fond memories of my own days as a “barn rat”, and the accompanying sense of belonging. That’s what I think is so special about Square Peg – belonging. Autistic or not, everyone has felt like a square peg, a misfit, or an outcast. Square Peg is the one place I have found in the world where it’s impossible to feel that way, where everyone fits.

-Laura Hansen
December, 2015

I reached out to Square Peg as a new mother, eager to expand my world beyond the borders of burping, diapers, and the now mandatory yet psychologically damaging New Mother’s Group.  I had grown up with horses but had been away from the horse world for  20 years.  I thought getting back into riding would be a nice outlet.

Shocked to find I was a completely different rider than the one I had been in my youth, I was now cautious, slightly nervous and incessantly playing out “what if” scenarios in my head. Joell patiently brought me back to basics and soon had me racing through the redwoods on retired race horses like Sam, Pearl, and  Jack. Now comfortable (if not always confident) in the saddle, I realized I had not lost my energy, and devil-may-care attitude but simply channeled it into the tiny body of my daughter.

I was gently asked to remove my daughter from her first pre-school.  At the second school my daughter was suspended twice (once for assaulting a teacher).  Other parents and adults begin to cower visibly from the one-two punch of her verbosity and physical aggressiveness.  My child was neuro-typical but was she “special needs?” And what the heck does that mean anyway?  

I once disciplined her with the time honored, “not another word” line in the sand – she looked at me for a few seconds and sang, “LAAA” – she was three at the time. What I found endearing; her intelligence, her bravery, her verbal gymnastics and her wit – other adults found disturbing.

Shortly after the “LAA” incident, my daughter and I wrestled through another situation where she was not allowed out of a “time out” until she apologized – after six hours, she showed no indication she was weakening.  In exhaustion, I called Joell.  “Bring her in to ride,” she said. Although most children start riding at five, Joell felt that my daughter’s command of language and ability (when she wanted to) to follow directions would keep her safe.  Joell, her son, Greg, Sigourney and the pony, Sugar listened to her non- stop chatter, gently re-directed and worked through her challenges, and clearly loved her for who she was.  

She was never seen as a “problem” at Square Peg.  Her many gifts were celebrated; her spirit encouraged and admired.  When she was having trouble with friend’s parents, teachers and even her mother, she was always welcomed, treasured, and given space to be herself at Square Peg.

Today, she’s a happy, positive kid with a large circle of friends.  She rides (still at Square Peg) and she’s doing very well in martial arts (shocker).  She’s a straight-A student and her teachers say that her curiosity and leadership only add to the learning culture of their classrooms.  

When she was a very small child, I felt she was a leader, incredibly bright, gentle (most of the time) and full of good humor.  I wondered if she was not being judged so much on her behavior but on her gender. We expect little boys to be rambunctious in play and action but not little girls where we value peaches and cream complexions and big blue eyes. I speculated that it was her frustration with the lack of speech and cognition in her age group that was leading to her outbursts.  

But it was  Square Peg who embraced and championed her strength and intelligence at this critical time.  Square Peg allowed me to drown out the negative voices and confirmed what I already knew about my daughter.  I’m the one that has grown as a parent and advocate of my child; my kid was never the issue. But then, they always knew that at the Barn…

The Kunze Family Challenge has bet met AND EXTENDED!  Another family has stepped in to create a Second Challenge. Anything you donate by the end of the year will be matched up to $10,000. Your support is CRITICAL to Square Peg.  Thank you ;-)
 
 

Square Peg has changed my whole outlook on myself, the world, and the people around me.

At age seven I didn’t think I was anything special; I had average grades and I never thought I was an outgoing person. I thought I’d lead an average life…. Then my mom introduced me to the Square Peg Foundation, a barn where kids and horses learn to be themselves and love life. Square Peg is more than just a barn, it is a lifestyle. For some families, it can even be called a second home. It becomes a safe and loving place to run away from all the crazy madness this world brings, a place free from judgement and full of opportunity. The horses and people love you for who you are–not what you look like.

After riding for three years I experienced a bad fall. My trainer was teaching me on a lunge-line how to canter, and suddenly a tractor came whirring down a hill. The horse I was riding spooked and high-tailed it straight back to the barn, dumping me onto the gravelled ground. Rocks filled my mouth and brutally dug into my back. No matter how much anyone comforted me, I was convinced I never wanted to canter again. That fall changed my life, and for two years afterwards my trainer remarkably respected and accepted my decision to avoid the canter, allowing me to have a break.

My trainer paired me with Django who I began to ride consistently. I never imagined that Django would allow me to overcome my fear and achieve what I thought was impossible: cantering, jumping, learning to lunge, trail rides, and–best of all–acceptance. Over the next four years we made wonderful memories together until he left for a new home to spend his retirement. Django changed my life and brought me to the conclusion that anything is possible; you just have to believe in yourself to make it happen.

Over the next few months four new horses arrived from the racetrack. Curtis, Finn, Ace, and Owen filled up the barn with all sorts of

personality and injuries. Often, horses that become injured or perform poorly at the track don’t find a useful, loving, or purposeful life afterwards. The horses at Square Peg are all given a second chance. Thanks to the amazing staff, each horse’s personality and strengths are discovered, and are then encouraged to make that horse shine. The horse can then help create a calm, relaxed, safe, and fun place for the trainers to teach and kids to learn.

Everyone should get the opportunity to feel accepted, special, confident, calm, safe, and joyful, and Square Peg is the place that makes that happen. I volunteer countless hours over weekends and during school breaks to help out around the barn and I never regret a minute of it. Each day brings new smiles and adventures. I am grateful to the Square Peg family for helping me lead a very un-average and awesome life!

The Kunze Family Challenge has bet met AND EXTENDED!  Another family has stepped in to create a Second Challenge. Anything you donate by the end of the year will be matched up to $10,000. Your support is CRITICAL to Square Peg.  Thank you ;-)
 
 
 

Stephanie Ashe  wrote today's essay - we are very grateful that she evesdrops ;-)

During this season of gratitude, my family and I always take the time to talk about the people and things for which we are grateful.  This year, at the top of my list is eavesdropping.

Now, I don’t make a habit of eavesdropping.  Or, more accurately, I don’t make a habit of letting people know that I’m eavesdropping.  That changed a few months ago at Peet’s in Half Moon Bay. 

I was having a tough morning. My 11-year-old daughter, Gilly, has anxiety.  Not the run-of-the-mill, butterflies in the stomach, average nervousness kind of anxiety.  Gilly has clinically diagnosed, overwhelming, mind-numbing anxiety.  We have battled this anxiety for years with therapy and tutoring to help her keep up in school.  But, over the past several months, Gilly’s anxiety has increased and prevented her from going to school.  She has been in the hospital, gone through intensive therapy and has been moved to a few different schools as we tried to find the right fit.  Sadly, due to her anxiety, Gilly also stopped doing many of the activities that she enjoyed the most, including riding horses, something that she has loved since she was five.

That morning at Peet’s, I was holding my breath.  Gilly had just started a new, small and very hands-on school and I was nervously trying to get some work done at the local Peet’s.

I happened to sit next to Joell Dunlap, who was in the middle of talking to someone about her ranch, Square Peg. As I tried to write emails, I kept getting pulled into listening to Joell talk about her foundation that takes therapy riding to another level.  Joell’s enthusiasm for her work with special needs children, her description of her “castaway” horses who need the kids as much as the kids need them, and the intense passion with which she talked about the supportive, peaceful and calm environment where kids and horses thrive, was too tempting for me to keep quiet. 

I interrupted Joell and her friend, mid-conversation, and asked if this place could possibly be real. I think Joell could sense the desperation in my voice and she very kindly spent the next 20 minutes talking to me about Square Peg, listening to my worries about Gilly and encouraging me to visit the ranch.

For our first visit to Square Peg, Gilly and I planned to observe for an hour, at the most.  Gilly was nervous and made me promise that we would leave the minute she started to feel uncomfortable. We stayed  five hours. 

We met each horse, groomed several, cleaned out a few stalls, met and fed the goats, pet the dogs and got to know the wonderful Square Peg instructors.  And, under Joell’s kind tutelage, Gilly tacked up and rode Roxie, Square Peg’s trusty pony.

Needless to say, Gilly and I have spent a lot of time at Square Peg since our first visit.  We have gotten to know Rachel and Becca, two of the kindest and smartest “horse girls” I have ever met. Gilly has lessons with Rachel and Becca, she often helps at the ranch, and the instructors have endless patience with all of my horse personality and anatomy questions. We can’t seem to get enough of the place!

Beyond riding, Rachel goes out of her way to check in on Gilly to see how she is doing after riding, with school, etc. Rachel has found yoga classes for us, told us where to get the best milkshakes on the coast and has even given Gilly some of her old riding equipment.

Rachel and Joell have also introduced me to other parents who have children with special needs.  Their stories, understanding and encouragement have been a big help to me during this time.

Gilly is doing so well. She likes her new school and gets so much comfort and support at Square Peg. She is calmer, stronger and sleeps better. I know that we still have a long way to go with helping Gilly work through her anxiety.  But, I have faith that Gilly will forge her way past this tough time and learn how to lead a happy and productive life.  And, I know that Square Peg will be a big part of that effort.

Thank you, Joell, Rachel, Becca, Roxie, Panzur, Ace, Patti, Tucker, Molly, Wasabi and all of the other amazing souls at Square Peg!

Sponsoring a Square Peg horse is the Holiday gift that makes miracles happen every day!  Today's featured horse is Roxy - the pony who brought real smiles to this family.  Below is the monthly breakdown to sponsor Roxy's care: 
Occupancy: $250 (rent, maintenance, insurance)
Staff: $150 (includes care, training, grooming and exercise) 
Feed: $135      
Farrier: $21      
Vet: $52    
Other: $41 (Dentistry, chiropractic, supplies, supplements)
$7,788 annually $649 per month

Today's Gratitude Essay is from our friend Irma Mitton.  The Mitton family recently adopted Square Peg horses Ricky, Rico and Sam.  We are so grateful for our adoptive families.

The Kunze Family has offered up a challenge to raise funds for Square Peg. Every dollar you donate between now and the end of the year will be matched up to $10,000! Your support is a lifeline to our families and the horses who call Square Peg their sanctuary. We are so grateful for your support.

Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.  — Ralph Waldo Emerson

The perfume of horse happiness – grassy, earthy, sweet, unfiltered. Once it gets into your olfactory system, it makes its way permanently into your heart. It becomes part of your bloodstream, and as necessary as oxygen.

This year, Square Peg gifted our family with its own unique formula of horse happiness. We’ve always enjoyed riding in many disciplines and our Pescadero farm served as a happy home for several equine athletes retired by our trainer and friends. This year, the time was right for us to branch out and find a new way to immerse ourselves in horseyness.

Our daughter Laurel began volunteering as a barn girl with Square Peg this June. Three afternoons each week, she came home tired, sweaty, dirty, and with a radiant grin that could outshine a full moon. After cleaning 20 stalls, grooming and tacking up half a dozen horses, she was covered in that unique “perfume” (ahem, cough) of horse happiness.

Her happiness sparked a resurgence of excitement about horses in our entire family. Suddenly, I remembered what it means to be a true horse(wo)man. I found myself again spending hours watching training shows on RFD-TV and re-reading the classics (Tom Dorrance’s True Unity, Mary Wanless’s The Natural Rider, and of course, Alois Podhasky’s Principles of Classical Horsemanship).

We find ourselves spending more time together as a family in our own barn, which is now enhanced with two retired Square Peg horses, Rickie and Sam, as well as Rico, a beautiful young OTTB rehomed through Square Peg as well.  Laurel takes her enhanced confidence and sensitivity, as a rider and as a person, with her wherever she goes, and our son Rob has also begun riding again (thank you, sweet Rickie!).

As we approach the holidays and reflect back on our year, we are immensely grateful for all the Square Peg has bestowed on us this year: exposure to so many different horses, new friendships and connections with strong and compassionate role models, and a stress-free place to hang out, laugh, and BREATHE.

Most importantly, we grateful that our experience with Square Peg reminded us of a very important lesson: regardless of your age, physical condition, or state of mind, time with horses is therapeutic. Horse happiness may smell a little different, but it can heal pretty much anything.

We are more than half way to meeting our $10,00 challenge grant! Every dollar you donate between now and the end of the year will be matched up to $10,000! Your support is a lifeline to our families and the horses who call Square Peg their sanctuary. We are so grateful for your support.

Apropos of today in our post feast feelings - today's perspective is from Robyn Peters whose name you may recognize because she is the photographer credited with most of the amazing images you see on the Square Peg site.

Volunteering:  It’s cheaper than a gym membership

Back in the day, for exercise and fitness, my daughter had a riding lesson every week, and I had a gym membership.  Then she wanted to ride more, and I looked at the budget and thought “so long, gym, it’s been nice to know you”.

But then, as I came out to Square Peg, twice a week, sometimes for several hours or more on the day of her lesson, I realized that I didn’t need that stinky gym membership, after all.

Why run (ok, true confession: I walked) on the treadmill,  smelling the armpit air of the folks around me, when I could be dancing around in the pasture, smelling relatively fresh air while trying to put a halter on a horse who wasn’t done playing yet, while his friends try to stick their noses into my pockets for snacks?

Why lift weights while Top 40 hits blasted at top volume, drowning out my thoughts, when I could sit on the top of a pile of feed and shovel pounds after pounds of cubes into rolling feed dispensers for the horses, while the silence (interrupted by the occasional naughty goat) gave me space to gather and arrange my thoughts?

Why climb endless flights on the Stairmaster, going nowhere while watching myself in the mirror, when I could hike up the hill to the top of the upper pasture and watch the sun set while slipping soft treats to Stitch and Monty, two retired lesson horses who have earned the good life?

Sit ups?  Who needs sit-ups to strengthen the core, when you can sit at the picnic table in the sunshine, and laugh and laugh and laugh at the antics of the crazy goats and hounds?

Square Peg.  It’s more than a farm.  It’s a full body workout.

The Kunze Family has offered up a challenge to raise funds for Square Peg. Every dollar you donate between now and the end of the year will be matched up to $10,000! Your support is a lifeline to our families and the horses who call Square Peg their sanctuary. We are so grateful for your support.

Today is our national day of giving thanks for the abundance in our lives. 
Once again, teen volunteer Tessa Biggs boils things down to the things that really matter.

By Tessa Biggs

As a high school freshman, I exist within the social confines of peer-imposed apathy. If I dare to join a club, engage in a conversation with any depth, or voice a personal passion, I will be ridiculed and shunned. I am surrounded by high schoolers who are either unable or unwilling to reveal the things that matter to them, the things that bring both joy and dedication to their lives – it is, frankly, socially unacceptable to give a $h!*.

But, I am energetic. Scratch that – I am beyond energetic. I am passionate and exuberant and I love being fully engaged. I want to matter, to learn everything I possibly can and strive to make an impact on our world.  

At Square Peg, I can, and I do.  

Almost two years ago, I stumbled into Square Peg as an over-eager Pony Clubber looking to do some good in the world. I didn’t really know what I wanted, but I knew I wanted to be at this barn. Joell happily put me to work and I have loved every minute.

I don’t have to pretend here. It is impossible to be indifferent when the children you spend time with continuously inspire and impassion you. About a year ago, I made a choice. In both my school and my social life, I no longer wanted to pretend to not care. I figured out that time spent detached from my true-self left me empty and bleak. I could not continue this way; So I stopped.

I remember someone in my history class mentioning their work at a soup kitchen for community service credit. Many students found this important work worth making fun of. I laughed, then kindly told the class where to shove it. My volunteer work at Square Peg is one of the most enriching and valuable aspects of my life. I have found a safe place where people praise my individuality, not diminish it. I have found my people, my ‘tribe,’ for whom I will be forever grateful.  

The best part is, I decided to care and no one cared. People respected my choice and liked me just the same – if not more. So all I really want to say is – it’s okay to care – in fact, it’s everything.

The Kunze Family has offered up a challenge to raise funds for Square Peg. Every dollar you donate between now and the end of the year will be matched up to $10,000! Your support is a lifeline to our families and the horses who call Square Peg their sanctuary. We are so grateful for your support.

Today’s story is from rider Davis Finch.  He tells his story of meeting Panzur – and how connecting with a special horse has helped him overcome anxiety and fear.

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In August of last year, I was ready to return to riding after a nasty fall but I needed a new horse to ride. The fall made me realize the horse I was riding was too reactive for me and I no longer felt safe riding her.  The plan was for me to ride Henry, a large Thoroughbred that could support a rider my size. A few days before my first lesson back a 19-year old bay Holsteiner gelding named Panzur arrived at the ranch. The day before my lesson, I was having a bad day and didn’t have much time but Joell was adamant I meet the new horse. I visited him inside his stall, a tight squeeze owing to both of our large figures, and was smitten by his calm demeanor and sense of caring.  Despite being prepared for Henry, after meeting Panzur I knew he was the horse for my return to riding.  The next day I had my first lesson after a horse gave me the scariest moment of my life and it was a success.  His calmness and generosity were the perfect combination to counteract my anxiety.

Since last August I have been riding Panzur weekly and my anxiety level has slowly decreased.  While he is not the easiest horse to ride, he listens to me and we have a strong connection.  My primary motivation to return to riding after my fall was to feel that rhythmic movement of a horse walking. Riding calms my nerves and puts me in good spirits.  I think it is the result of the hormone oxytocin. I am not the only person he has this effect on. Panzur is the go-to horse for anxious riders including adults with eating disorders and kids on the autism spectrum. 

I am grateful to Laura Hansen for giving Square Peg her wonderful horse, Joell for guiding me in my lessons and everything else, and, of course, to Panzur himself for being so kind and giving.  I feel I was destined to work with Panzur the way he showed up just in time for my return to riding.

Sponsoring Panzur makes a special Holiday gift – The gift that keeps sharing joy and second chances for all of the Square Pegs who call the Ranch their community. The staff at Square Peg will work with sponsors to create a special momento if you would like to gift his sponsorship to a loved one.  A framed photo montage, a brass name-plate – The possibilities are fun – the gift is precious.

$9228 annually $769 per month
Monthly Breakdown of Panzur’s care and costs

• Occupancy: $298 (rent, maintenance, insurance – does not include staff)
  Staff: $158 (includes care, training, grooming and exercise)
  Feed: $181      Farrier: $39       Vet: $52      Other: $41 (Dentistry, chiropractic, supplies, supplements)